Husband: Who’s driving tonight?
Me: You are
H: Right. Is this up for discussion at all?
H: Why not?
M: Because I pushed two babies out of my vagina*
H: Umm, the whole stretched vagina* thing, is that always going to beat anything I do
M: One: If you remember rightly – and I suggest you do – it wasn’t just stretched, it was torn. Two: Yes. Yes it is
H: And is there anything that I could do in the future that could maybe change that rule?
M: Push two babies out of your vagina*?
H: Right. And then you’ll drive?
M: No. Then we’ll take it in turns.
* this is totally how me and my husband refer to our ‘bits’. We’re very formal you see – all ‘penis this’ and ‘vagina that’. No sniff of a ‘minky’ in our house. ‘Spam sword’? Plain childish. ‘Mucky love burrito’? Do grow up……