Kids Say The Dodgiest Things…


Picture the scene. Your three year old son has spent the day obsessing over Play Doh. Everything he’s ever seen in his life, today he has recreated in Play Doh form. Whilst his interpretation of the dog turd he saw on the street the other day was certainly a contender for his favourite Play Doh sculpture, it was actually the assortment of vegetables he made with the green Play Doh that gave him the biggest thrill:

Son: Look mummy! Vegetables!

Me: Amazing!*

S: There’s cucumber. And lettuce. And peas!

M: Peas! Brilliant!

And that was it. He finished up with the veggie Play Doh action and got down from the table. I had a little panic attack over the fact all the colours had got mixed up and in the wrong pots. In the grand scheme of things, it was all relatively low-drama and uneventful.

Fast forward to the following day. For lord knows what reason, we’d gone to Toys R Us with the kids and they were going insane. I hadn’t seen such frenzied excitement since we’d queued to meet Sportacus at Paultons Park last summer (that’s queued in the beating sun, by the way. For 90 minutes. NINETY MINUTES IN THE BEATING SUN. For a man who was less Sportacus, more Robin Gibb).

mum. dad. this isn't Sportacus

So yes. Toys R Us. Our children were manic, my husband and I had gone a bit robotic with exhaustion. Like, you know how the ginger one from Girls Aloud is a bit (a LOT) dead behind the eyes? Well maybe she’d also spent a rainy Sunday in Toys R Us with more excitable children than should ever be permitted, because that’s pretty much what had happened to us too. Dead of eye, we were slowly traipsing up and down the aisles while the kids shouted out everything they could see/reach/pull from the shelves. And then my husband happened to stop. He just paused, but it was right in front of a huge Play Doh stand….

Fred came running up. Breathless and sweaty with excitement…

“Pea Doh!” he shouted.

“PEA DOH!”

He was pointing now. Yes, pointing at the Play Doh display but to the unacquainted onlooker the scene they were essentially stumbling across here was a ruddy-faced three year old, pointing at a somewhat gloomy looking man and loudly calling him a paedo. In a shop rammed to the hilt with children and their (unsettled) parents.

Scooping the kids up – but in a way that did not look like we were stealing them from a toy shop – it was at that point that we decided to call it a day on the whole Toys R Us visit…

*If I’m honest, they weren’t that amazing. The cucumber wasn’t a whole lot different to the lettuce but you know, he’s three, I have to big-up stuff like this

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5 thoughts on “Kids Say The Dodgiest Things…

  1. Phillippa Edgar says:

    You say his play doh sculptures were similar and you bigged them up, now I definitly feel like a terrible mum whenever Bri does painting I take over and paint with her hand as it is just scribble on the page with no meaning, I know she is only 21months old and I was good but no Monet but the urge is terrible, I do try the praise thing and somtimes succeed without saying “Thats good darling but dont you want to draw a flower or something” – Bad mum Bad mum must try harder x

  2. Brilliant. Snorting with laughter here 🙂

  3. Pretty amazing he knows about cucumbers and lettuces. And very funny!

  4. Emma says:

    Just gave DH the gist of the story and he laughed so hard he nearly woke our boys up. Cheered us both up after a rough day. Hilarious.

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